heavenfang | Eighteenth Star

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Eighteenth Star

All this talk...about murders and redemption.

Well I've got a reality check...no matter what any person, government, or deity might say...there are no pardons. There is no redeeming a bloodied hand. Once someone has killed, there's no turning back to innocence. It's impossible. Once someone has...murdered...they will never have a clean soul again.

That burden will be carried with them to the end of their days...and for some of them, that end will never come...

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Tir.

...I guess that wasn't a very good joke, huh?

No...

Are you in your room? I feel like I should come see you.

I was just out training.

Come home?

...in a moment.

...Thanks.

And so he arrives home, entering without a sound and just plopping onto the sofa, not even bothering to put his shirt back on. There's no huff, no sigh...no anything.

Kazuki came out of his room when he heard the down open (and he really had to try, Tir could be sneaky when he wanted to be) but hesitated a bit when he came to the couch. There was something about his partner right now that he didn't like, in the way that mice don't like large snakes. He wasn't sure how to handle it.

"Are you afraid now that you know the truth? That I willingly killed him?" Tir spoke, his tone of voice not cold just...broken. Why had such a simple statement caused such a dramatic shift in his mood? A day ago, he had been on cloud nine...

"No!" He answered quickly, shaking his head, and sat down with resolution, "No, I'm not afraid of you."

"I just... I don't know what to say."

Tir began to speak...the words most certainly not his own

"You have become so strong. I lived for what I believed in. And I have no regrets. You must also live for what you believe in. I give blessings to your choice. I am happy. The greatest happiness... a father can experience... is to see his son... surpass himself."

Tir turned to face Kazuki, his look cast to the distance though.

"Those were his last words...before I killed him."

"You... You killed your father?"

Kazuki couldn't believe it. On New Years, when everyone had seen visions, Tir had seen his father. He thought he was just upset over the fact that he had died, but now... This explained some of that trauma.

"But you wouldn't do something like that! There, there must have been a reason!"

"He was already defeated...he was laying wounded in my arms," Tir said, his voice just...ghostly. There was so much there, but it was all heard as if through a filter...to keep the emotion from pouring out all at once.

"And...and I killed him. Soul Eater took his soul and devoured it."

"...Why?"

Now he was a little scared. He'd be lying if he said he wasn't. Didn't he love his father? His line of thought wandered dangerously.

...

"Because that was what I was meant to do. It was my new purpose...I just didn't realize it at the time," he said, beginning to choke. The filters were failing...

"Because I hold this...I'm the equivalent of the Grim Reaper."

"You mean, you're a Shinigami?" Woah woah woah woah, back up there. He knew that the Soul Eater was some kind of powerful, and that it had caused problems for Tir, but this? You're gonna have to give him a minute.

"Not really...the Rune is more than I, I'm just a vessel. But even then...it's drawn to death. And while I've seen it correct the Balance before by bringing someone to life...more often, it just draws me to kill," Tir said, tears beginning to form as the last of the walls come down.

"It made me...want to kill him. To end his life. I never forgave myself, no matter what anyone said. Odessa, Gremio, Ted...father...I killed all of them."

So heavy. The air suddenly felt leaden. It was something that Kazuki couldn't handle very well. No words came to mind, no matter how desperately he wanted to comfort Tir. He bit his lip, and his hands clenched into fists.

There had to be something... He had to do something!

"That's why I ran away from it all...in the end, I was nothing but a coward. This is why people like me will never have redemption..."

"Stop it!"

Kazuki felt surprised by what he was saying, but continued, "You, you can't say things like that! It's not true! Stuff like that, it's not up to you!"

"To talk like that... It's too sad!"

"That's because it is sad! Reality is cruel and depressing, but it's the way things are! My destiny was to be the vessel for this Rune...nothing more...and my soul will carry the taint," Tir shouted back, tears pouring freely down his face.

Kazuki flinched. He hadn't seen Tir so angry before. The feeling from before returned, like something small and helpless caught in the glare of a snake.

"I, I..." He couldn't very well tell him anything otherwise, as it would make him a hypocrite. His eyes looked down and away. "I... don't think, that's true..."

Was he... shaking?

"I...I try to smile, and live, and be happy for those around me. I try to be the Tir McDohl they know and love, but it keeps getting harder. The Dunan war proved to me...I can't do this anymore. Three years...soon it will be four. And it will just keep going from now until the end of time, because I'm starting to forget how to be anything else," Tir said in a much calmer tone, the barriers warn away completely and his shoulders began to shake.

"Tir..." Kazuki softened as he saw him doubt. He was probably just as confused and scared as he was, if not more. It was hard to imagine, living forever. Impossible even.

He shifted over on the couch so they were close enough to have their shoulders brush, and reached out to hold his hand, the one where Soul Eater resided. His palm covered where the mark would be. Gently, he leaned his head in to nudge the side of Tir's face, inviting him closer.

"You know... It's okay to be happy just for yourself. You deserve it just as much as anyone else."

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